Decisions

I've been thinking a lot lately about where my life is headed. I am content so far as my marriage goes - I have one of the best husbands out there, I truly believe. Jared is such a good person & an example of optimism & faith. I am lucky to have him. I love the area where I live, and I am coming to love the ward I'm in.

But I took a walk on Saturday and couldn't help but wonder what I should be doing with my life. Should I have children soon? The thought of having kids while Jared's in school terrifies me, because we both believe it's important for me to stay home in a child's early years. Should I stay in my current job? It's okay as far as jobs go, but, to be honest, a trained monkey could do my job (or even an untrained one). Should I be serving more? (Well, the answer to that is probably always yes.) Should I be involved in more hobbies? Sometimes I feel like I see my husband so little that what time we do have together (where he isn't focused on science-related things) is all spent with just the two of us, thereby limiting my chances to make friends. (And 99.9% of the families in our ward have scores of children, so it feels a little awkward sometimes trying to interact a lot. I know a lot of families want to spend time with each other as well.)

I guess my point is sharing all of this is that I finally realized something late last night. No matter what I do, Heavenly Father seems to be okay with the decisions I make. (No major red flags yet.) Sometimes I wish He would give me a little more advice or a push in a certain direction, but then again, I know I'm here to learn. And perhaps it's in the little things, the small areas of my life - serving in primary, being a friendly neighbor, supporting my husband during this intense time of study, trying to maintain a household/job - that matter the most. How I react and grow and learn in those small situations.

President Hinckley, in a CES broadcast in 1985, said, "To all Latter-day Saints, I say, keep the faith. When you study, do so with balance. Read the Book of Mormon itself. Read it again and again. ... Pray about it, and the Holy Ghost will bear record to you, as he has to me and to millions of others, that it is the word of God, a voice crying from the dust to this generation in declaration of the divinity and the reality of the Lord Jesus Christ as the living Son of the living God. ... I cannot tell you in detail how to decide everything. But I can promise that if you will make your decisions according to the standards of the gospel and the teachings of the Church, and if you will keep the faith, your lives will bear fruit of great good and you will know much of happiness and accomplishment. ... Be faithful, my friends. Be true. Be loyal to the great things of God which have been revealed in this dispensation. What a choice generation you are—the best, I think, in the history of the world. What a marvelous source of strength and power and capacity! God bless you each one that your lives may be happy and productive, that you may realize the desires of your hearts, that you may walk in faith and faithfulness."

So I think it is the small things that truly matter. And that gives me some small comfort - that living the commandments, to the best of my ability, will prove me to Heavenly Father. I'm so thankful for that the small efforts on my part mean that much to Him. Even if I never do save the world or become some great activist.

P.S. I miss President Hinckley. I know you shouldn't have favorites, but he was English major, okay? I feel a kinship...